Thursday Tippity Tip: How to find the Spouse you need
Many of us think we know exactly what kind of partner we want. We can obsess over dreamy details, create detailed ‘must have’ lists and carry around an entire personality profile assessment of ‘The One’ that even the CIA would be jealous of.
But what about us? How well do we REALLY know ourselves?
What if what we think we want in a spouse isn’t really what is compatible?
What kind of person am I really?
It is easy to create a fairytale person in our mind, but our fairytale could be another’s nightmare. If we get so focused on finding someone shaped to who we want that we never take the time to learn who we are and what we need, the what if what we think we want in a spouse isn’t really what is compatible in real life? (Say that sentence 10x fast or better yet, just read it again slower ; ) )
That was my conundrum many years ago when I was about 16. I figured the only way to know what kind of spouse to look for was to first define my true needs. And the only to discover those was by first understanding my God given purpose and how He made me to be. Then once I grasped my value AND my life vision, I would gain a clarity and keen awareness of the kind of person my soul would not only love but need.
Let me put that little formula in bullet point form.
1. Prayer and asking God will reveal a lot about who He made you to be but there are some practical personality profiles and Christian based ones that you can take to get a better understanding of what makes you tick and what ticks you off. Some personality profiles can go overboard or be just plain weird so be on the lookout for those.
2. Understanding of your God given value and life vision is something that goes beyond mental knowledge. It must become a lifestyle you live because then and only then will you truly be able to embrace who God made you to be and become to comfortable in your character that you will be less likely feel the urge to compromise or change for less than relationships.
3. Now that you know who you are, take the time to sit down and define your true needs. Not wants but needs. I discovered what a true need was by systematically going through behaviors I knew would either destroy and annoy or build up and encourage my kind of personality. Then I wrote down all the qualities that would either provide or get in the way of those needs
4. Know who you are and know what you need and then say no to any relationship that requires core changes to who you are or don’t fill the needed areas. Take it from someone who did that, it doesn’t work.
TTT posts are reserved exclusively for relationship tidbits in the form of a short post or a power thought meant to challenge or encourage or both. Enjoy 😊
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