Loving Deeper than the Hurt
I knew as soon as I made my decision the testing would start.
I just wasn’t expecting it to start THAT quickly but then again God is not one to waste time.
Note to self, don’t make decisions, or invite God to change something in your life unless you are ready for it…like…yesterday.
What decision did I make?
Let me backtrack a moment to the beginning of this year. My word/phrase God gave me for this year was Joy-Fully. Like the wondrous unwrapping of a prism, He has been showing me many different aspects of what that words means but about a month ago He began to reveal to me where joy finds its power. Joy is rooted in healing and healing is rooted in my soul being covered by the perfect love of Jesus.
God began to show me how my wounds were access points where insidious verbal germs had entered and so slowly sickened my whole mind with cynical perspectives about love that I didn’t even realize my gradual decline in opinion.
Until now.
Once I grasped that concept, it helped me understand that while I had come to know what Joy-Fully meant, the only way to achieve it is to deal with the final step, healing.
And let’s be honest, who wants to go through the emotional burn peeling kind of healing…
Well I wasn’t sure I wanted to but then again I also didn’t want to stay as I was so armed with the new revelation from God, I made the choice right then that for me to truly heal from all the deep hurt incurred from relationships with well…humanity it general (trying to keep my privacy as well as the privacy of others while still being real and authentic 😊) I was going to let God peel off burn layer after burn layer until my capacity to love went deeper than the hurt. In short, I allowed (and still am!) God to supplant all the bad with the good.
Has it been hard? Is it uncomfortable? Is God making sure I get daily practice by having to deal with situations that make every trauma trigger in me go off like fire alarm and tempt me to respond with old reactions instead of Spirt lead action? Yes, yes, and yes!!!
But the healing He has been able to bring to my heart has been more than worth it. With every new trial I overcome He is tenderly removing the scar tissue that made my heart tough toward love. With every negative narrative that gets uprooted and replaced by truth-based healing words, He is giving me a new perspective; one that stems from a root of healing instead of a root of bitter hurt.
It hasn’t been easy to be authentic and love authentically especially when others don’t desire the same or are downright mean, but I’ve decided that for me to truly love people I must be all in. I must be committed and genuine and give 100% NO MATTER WHAT the other person chooses. Then and only then can I maintain my part of the relationship and personhood while also being able to let go with no regrets should/if a relationship becomes one God needs me to walk away from. And you know what?? I am experiencing God grow me into a queenlier woman and become less affected (or should I say, infected) by others and that is a blessing I wouldn’t trade!
Jesus was THE best at staying authentic while also addressing people like the Pharisees who regularly practiced bad behavior. They constantly pestered him with theological traps and disingenuous conversation. Repeatedly the Bible talks about loving one’s neighbors, being kind and tender hearted toward one another, overcoming evil with good, seeking the well being of others first etc. and that is just what Jesus did. He didn’t just preach about it, He lived it quite literally ever second of his life. He didn’t let the broken people of the world jade His concept of love or keep Him from caring for people in truth and in love.
To be clear, there were many things that happened around and to Jesus that He was broken hearted about, but He didn’t allow Himself to be broken by them. Big difference and one I am learning as I dig deeper into loving beyond the hurt.
So, what about you? Are there wounds, fresh or old, that have kept you from true healing? Perhaps you are like me and no longer want to live in such a state. Join me and start drawing nigh to God through His word. Let Him heal you and teach you how to love deeper than the hurt.
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