Emotional Detox

When I first truly got out from under the daily grind of emotional abuse I remember feeling a sense of relief and freedom. It was also weird at the same time. I kept expecting for something to happen so I kept my guard up. Kind of like those people you see in the movies slowly backing up toward the exit while keeping a keen eye on the bad guy because they are anticipating a sudden strike out of nowhere.

But as each day went by and I was able to feel and think again without a demeaning, mocking, ignoring, or questioning mental slap of some sort, emotions began to surface...lots of emotions.

Emotions that had been stuffed in the:

”You just have to forgive” drawer

“You’re just not giving up enough of yourself” drawer

“You need to submit more” drawer

“You’re just stupid” drawer

“You’re only quality is your looks” drawer

“You just didn’t try hard enough” drawer

“You just hurt people” drawer

And many more drawers. It was like a ripple effect. I would sort through one drawer of emotions just to open another bursting with even more. Just ask my mom, she braved through it with me. She rejoiced when I did and wept when I did.

This was no one day organize-your-mental-drawer-closet either. It was a long year of emotional detox but God knew I needed it. He always comforted me even when there were times I was sobbing and asking him to just let me not feel for even a few seconds because I was so tired of sorting through the hurt.

Have you ever found yourself there? Going through a time of feeling like you have grown and matured and the next feeling swept up in emotions so deep and complex you don’t even know where to begin? It can make you feel crazy. But you are not! I want to encourage you with some truths God showed me through the unexpected process of emotional detox. If you have seen my Thursday posts then this part will be very similar in set up. I hope these truths help you know you are not alone and no matter how hard it is, emotional detox is worth the process.

1. It’s okay to take a time out from life, process emotions and work toward healing. In truth, it is essential or else those emotions with fester inside and manifest in other ways like depression, addictions, resentment, panic attacks, cancer, stress, and the like.
2. Emotions are complex and so is the healing of them. It is a detox process. You have to deal with them in sections and eliminate the toxins as you go. Detox side affects like sudden sadness, a few days of depression, anger toward the abuser, the questioning of how you got there, the longing to go back and change that fateful decisions will at time hit out of nowhere. Can this detox be tedious and hard? Yes! But it is all preparing the body, mind, and spirit to be able to take hold of the very best that God wants to give in it’s place.
3. Some emotions can be created in a moment and others through habit. The ones I found myself detoxing from where those forged through habit. When I let myself take the time to recognize them, accept them and then let God bring the healing, I found that healing was not always instantaneous. In fact, more often than not it was a day by day healing forged through, prayer, reading my Bible and the daily choice to re-build healthier thinking and boundaries.
4. Accepting help from friends, counseling, mentorship, and coaching brought exponential healing. I was amazed (and still am!) how much sorrow brought a connection between my soul and others. No one wants to go through it yet it allows people to relate on deeper levels and I had never understood that before. I also discovered that sorrow is more often an unspoken feeling that is understood in a simple touch or look. Those who have known sorrow usually become reverently comfortable in the silence of an overwhelmed heart and give space for feelings and tears to flow freely. I know because I have experienced that blessing first hand many times. It was hard at first letting people in. I had grown used to feeling like I had to keep up a wall that had a “Everything’s Okay” mural hiding all the hurt behind it because I thought that’s what being strong looked liked. Turns out it takes more strength to cry and just be held by other’s compassion and love. And it brought so much needed healing that I could not have experienced otherwise. It also taught me to never emotionally detox in isolation. There is no shame in accepting help, love and support.
5. Self care is essential to emotional detoxing. For me that was spending more focused time with my daughters, taking a nice bath, taking the time to dress nice once or twice a week, exercising, reading a book, eating healthier, watching a funny movie, perusing a thrift store and generally filling my time with as much forward movement as I could.
6. Sometimes emotions are just hormones out of balance. I found some of my emotions were stemming from a lack of a vitamins like D or B12 and when I got those things balanced some of my “emotions” were gone. That is why it is equally important to begin discerning what is a mental trauma related emotion and what is a hormone related emotion. The longer the exposure to abuse, the more out of whack a person can get on both so don’t be afraid to reach out and get all the help you need medically and emotionally.
7. Forgiving myself was one of the hardest things because I had to truly look in the mirror and accept my choices as they stood, knowing they were unchangeable. They were a part of my history but not a defining of my future. To this day there are times when I look at my daughters and I feel the suffocating rush of condemning emotions descending on me telling me how I have ruined their lives because of my poor choice to marry the person I did. But then I feel the gentle voice of God reminding me of his forgiveness and his ultimate redemption in all things. I may have made a mistake but God is bigger than that mistake and I see his grace toward my girls everyday because of his unfailing goodness to them and me. Take the time to forgive yourself. It is a huge part of healing. And believe God when he says “You are loved, forgiven, redeemed and I will be with you always”.

I want you to know you have a voice. It’s okay to hurt and it’s okay to feel so many things at once. You have a safe place here if ever you need an advocate or someone to just listen.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog! I know you have many choices of things to read so I appreciate you taking the time. Please be sure to subscribe if you find this content helpful and don’t forget to encourage your friends to do the same. The more the merrier right? ;)