THURSDAY TIPPITY TIP: 7 Ways to Practice Being Wise

1. Watch actions AND words - One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to only listen to someone's words or watch just their actions. Both have to reconcile with each other and if 2 + 2 isn't equalling 4, there is a problem. It is true actions speak louder than words but words still speak. Weigh them both to see if they equal out to be the same. Give appropriate space for the person to carry out what he/she talks about but if nothing happens, then don't rest your cap solely on their words. Trust me on this. I learned that lesson the hard way. On top of giving space for growth, look at the established pattern of actions in their life. Do those actions match what they are saying they do in their daily walk? Nobody is perfect but consistent inconsistency is something you need to be wary of because it says a lot about that person. I am not talking about people who are good at starting an art project well and being bad at finishing it. We all have places we can improve. I am talking about people who say for example, they love kids and then ignore or treat any kids they are around with little to know respect or regard. I think you get the idea. Watching someone's actions and words is also a good way to avoid getting caught in the crossfire of miss information or gossip which leads me to my second point.
2. Don't participate in gossip - I joke that here in the South, being frank to the person you have an issue with is considered an impertinent and uncouth NO-NO but gossiping is totally fine. As funny as that may be, gossip is never okay. Before I go any further, let me define what gossip is and what it isn't. If you are one of the main people involved in a situation and you are trying to explain to someone else what happened in order to clarify something or express your position or heart, that is not gossip; that is you sharing a part of your life story. But if you were not involved in any way or are just opening conversations by casting out "juicy" information just to bait a reaction, or get attention, or because you like the addictive high you get from being a living, breathing tabloid, that is gossip. There are circumstances where a first hand witness can clarify information if no one else is around. The point still remains, don't listen, encourage, or start gossip. It always ends up causing more problems, more confusion and a lot of hurt. Which leads to my third point.
3. Think BEFORE you speak - When caught up in the moment of a situation, whether good or bad, it is easy to begin overloading the conversation with excess assumptions and/or opinions. Listen carefully and then measure out your words so you add meaning to a conversation instead of dominating, crushing or twisting it with thoughtless thoughts. It is also a great way to cure foot in mouth disease. ;) Don't get me wrong, God created some of us to be chatter boxes (guilty as charged! =D ) and others of us to be practicing mutes. Either way, learning the skill of following along in conversation so you collect good questions/answers to ask or add will make you a person people enjoy talking to. Most importantly, they will feel heard and is often what makes a successful and nice conversation. If you are in a heated conversation, one of the best ways to keep yourself from saying something you will regret is to take a few deep breaths between each exchange. Take the time to think!! If you have to, tell the other person you need to step away until you can get your composure which leads to my fourth point.
4. Respond don't React - It is so, so easy to just react to the moment. Instead, I challenge you to respond. We all have buttons. If one of them gets mashed take the time to focus beyond the initial feelings of the moment. Reacting to someone just gets an equal or greater justified reaction back. It is like throwing grenades at each other and hoping peace results. When you practice responding, you are ultimately learning how to understand and tame the primal reactionary side all humans display whenever we feel threatened. Why do you think Fire Fighters or Police are called first responders and not first reactors? Because they are trained to ignore the natural triggers to react when faced with a reactive situation. They are trained to stop and quickly evaluate and assess BEFORE responding so they can be sure to respond with the right tool or force needed for the job. Responding tells the other person you are a civilized, dignified human who has learned to reign in your feelings (valid or otherwise) and you are not going to wrestle in the pig pen with them. One of the best ways to practice responding instead of reacting is to stay calm by keeping your focus on the heart of the issue at hand and ignoring any petty bunny trails or jabs they throw at you. If they are just out for a fight, quietly walking away is a good response. You keep your sanity while also responding to them in a manner that doesn't fan the flame of their fire which leads to my fifth point.
5. Always speak the truth - Twisting information benefits no one. No matter how good you think you are at covering your tracks, lies have a funny way of breaking their own secrets. Narcissists are some of the best known web weaving liars around and yet even they ultimately get caught in their own sticky trickery. So tell the truth. I realize there are situations where that is WAAAAY easier said than done. There will be times it is embarrassing, shameful to admit, or just plain scary. Do it anyway. Embarrassment will fade with time. Shame stems from knowing what you did or what was done to you was wrong, but there is NO SHAME in telling the truth. This won't be the first or last scary thing you face in your life so be bold and tell the truth. When telling the truth, sometimes it isn't about sharing what you know but admitting you don't know and that leads to my sixth point.
6. Be willing to say you don't know or you were wrong - There is something so refreshing about someone who admits they don't have an answer or that they were wrong. On the flip side of that, there is something equally detestable in someone who either pretends to know everything or can't get off their pedestal long enough to admit they were wrong. Saying you were wrong shows the other person or people that you are learning and growing and value relationships over pride. People appreciate fresh honesty. Healthy people that is. But who cares if a bully or stuck up snob laughs at you for saying you don't know everything or were wrong? They are vulnerable pretenders who are hoping the sound of their mocking is loud enough to drown their wounded cries and keep you far enough way so you can't see how fragile their egos and hearts really are. Don't let their negativity keep you from being humble. This leads me to my seventh and final point.
7. Focus on changing the only person you can: you - Everyday you will have the choice to focus on the man/woman in the mirror or focus on everybody else. Our tendency as humans is to measure, sort and categorize most everything we process with our eyes and ears. We want to succeed at life so we look around to see how well we are doing in comparison. Without even realizing it, we begin analyzing what people do or say in order to qualify or dis-qualifying those things until we get a pecking order in our mind which if we were honest, would have us always coming out in front of the pack. Some of our conclusions can be spot on but most of our conjecture will stem from assumptions. Don't become your own worst cynical internal gossip. Since God made you the owner of one brain (yours), one heart (yours), and one body (yours) you are only in charge of one life. Yup, you guessed it. YOURS. Do you want to change the world? Then start focusing on strengthening your strengths and weakening your weaknesses instead of trying. Stop looking over at your neighbors life test sheet in order to correct or cheat off of them and start focusing on your own. A funny thing happens when you start focusing on changing you for the better; the people around you change. ;) Or in reality, whether they actually change or not, your new shifting perspective will give you grace on how to love your neighbor as yourself, vision for the dreams God has placed in you, and wisdom to know how to navigate this complicated yet beautiful thing called life.