Thursday Tippity Tip: How to L.E.A.V.E the victim behind
Before you fall off your chair thinking you had the wrong day all day, it really is Friday and yep, this post says "Thursday Tippity Tip". I never got a chance to write yesterday so I am doing so today but in order to not totally confuse you, I used the typical title I do for Thursday posts. ;) And I am sure that last sentence probably confused you more than anything else haha! So what is the L.E.A.V.E acronym about? Keep reading and you'll found out. 2019 is almost upon us. We all want to be better versions of ourselves right? In honor of a new year approaching, this handy dandy little acronym will be a great addition to your resolutions list or lists. I can't promise it will solve all your life struggles but I can promise it will remind you to set yourself back on track when you get derailed. It will help you do just what the acronym says; L.E.A.V.E behind what can't be changed so you can take hold of what you can change. We make ourselves victims when we choose to carry negativity, hurt, and burdens we shouldn't carry and I don't want that for you or for me. This new year, lets learn to L.E.A.V.E the victim mentality behind so we can become over comers with a vision!
L. Let Go - Let go of trying to force relationships or things to work. Just let go because when things are meant to work they will work. There won't be a forcing, pounding, prodding, poking, and over all stress of trying to get a round peg to fit in a square hole. Now I am not saying to abandon ship on a relationship, job, or something else because it is hard. There is a difference between working hard and getting results versus striving as if you are wrestling with a pig all the time and getting nowhere and nothing but exhausted and dirty. Letting go is a part of life so many of us struggle against. But why? You can't take hold of anything new or grow into a better version of yourself if you insist on holding all the junk (forced relationships, dead end jobs, mistakes etc.) you have been collecting over the years. The natural ebb and flow of life creates seasons for everything. You can either stubbornly hold onto your desire that it needs to be winter by wearing a parka in the middle of summer or you can kick off your boots and rock those sandals until further notice. It's up to you but trust me, letting go and letting God leads to a happier, more peaceful life. No one has ever gone anywhere or moved forward without letting go first.
THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WORKING HARD AND GETTING RESULTS VERSUS STRIVING AS IF YOU ARE WRESTLING WITH A PIT ALL THE TIME AND GETTING NOWHERE AND NOTHING BUT EXHAUSTED AND DIRTY.
E. Embrace Truth - If you embrace the truth, you will be so enveloped with it that you will have no energy or desire to spare on holding anything else. Especially people's opinions; their gossip; their betrayals; their lies. The truth is what you know AND what you feel. Feelings help to alert us to truth in many cases but where so many of us go wrong, is that we allow the warning whistles of feelings to turn into warning sirens that dominate everything with their piercing wails and make us and everyone else lose sight of what really needs to be seen; the truth! Don't let that happen. When something happens and your feelings begin to well up inside you, listen to them; Take the time to define what you are feeling and why. This is so important because taking the time to sort your feelings helps you to learn what exactly the truth is because the truth is compiled of facts. Where you feeling violated because YOU where being overly sensitive and thought someone looked at you wrong or where you feeling violated because someone tried to touch you inappropriately? Know what and why you are feeling a certain way so you know whether to justify or dismiss the validity of those feelings. Whether anyone else saw the rape, emotional abuse, the physical slap, or heard the bully threatening harm, YOU know what you heard/saw/experienced. Don't let anyone else define what YOU know or else you will end up a depressed, warped person who doesn't know which way is up or down. But what about all the people who have sworn certain things and yet where later revealed to be liars? They knew the truth. They knew they were lying. They knew what happened and yet they chose to say differently. That is on them. But the truth is still there. So embrace truth until knowing it becomes like breathing.
THE TRUTH IS WHAT YOU KNOW AND WHAT YOU FEEL
A. Abandon Self Defense - When accusations are brought against you, the first weapon 99.9% of us reach for is self defense. We can end up spending many wasted hours on the phone, text, social media, and in person whining trying to defend ourselves. You know what I have found personally? It is really off putting. People will begin to avoid you. They will stop talking to you. Trust me. I learned this the hard way and it hurt...deeply. No matter how tempting it is, abandon self defense!! Go back to the step above and embrace truth! Because if you are standing in truth, eventually the light is going to shine on that truth. There will always be two people who know the truth even if no one else never does. You and God. So no matter how alone you may feels sometimes, you will always have an advocate standing with you so long as you are the one standing in truth. Self defense will never exonerate you as much as you think it will. Often it just makes you feel shut out and a lonely outcast nobody wants to be around. Just to be clear, I'm not saying you can't or shouldn't explain something in a non emotional, concise way if someone asks a question or is seeking clarity. I'm talking about when you hear a lie being spread about you and you taking to the war path to convince anyone and everyone that it isn't true. Here is what I have found. There will be those who hear one side (whether it be yours or someone else) and from that side, make a decision. I call those people fools. Then there will be those who hear both sides and feel the need to insert themselves into the middle and play peacemakers. I call those people casualties of war because they will end up getting burned out and become part of the group that avoids contact. Then there will be those who hear both sides and use discernment to understand and know who is right and who is wrong. I call those people wise and still friends. It will be one the hardest things you ever go through when you let go of defending yourself, but you will become a healthier, stronger person who is less prone to be swayed or hurt by what people say or think about you.
SELF DEFENSE WILL NEVER EXONERATE YOU AS MUCH AS YOU THINK IT WILL.
V. Visualize Newness - Now that you have let go of trying to force things, embraced the truth and abandoned self defense, it is time to start thinking and working on things that matter. Assess where you are and where you want to be. It doesn't matter if your life is a shattered mess. Trust me, I know how that feels and there is no better place to begin visualizing newness and healing. Visualizing newness builds your hope and reminds you that there are far, far better things ahead then what you are leaving behind. Instead of cutting yourself on the broken pieces you can't glue back together or change, sweep up the mess, put it in a bag and hand it off to God in exchange for a new start; new hope; and new life. God is in the new life business so cry those tears and then get up and keep going.
VISUALIZING NEWNESS BUILDS YOUR HOPE AND REMINDS YOU THAT THERE ARE FAR, FAR BETTER THINGS AHEAD THEN WHAT YOU ARE LEAVING BEHIND.
E. Eradicate Negativity - Stop giving breath and room to negative talk and start thinking on what is lovely, true, of good report etc. To every negative there is a positive. It is up to you to choose which side of the coin you are going to look at or think about. Again, don't get me wrong. I am not talking about mushy-gushy-you're-so-wonderful Instagram quotes. No, no. I am talking about eradicating anything in your life that gets you into a negative mode whether that is a certain relationship, a particular TV show, or a specific wall color and so on. This step will be an easy transition if you begin consistently taking the steps above. God says to think on good things and for good reason! Negativity is a self defeating cycle that eventually leads to a bitter end. Why give room to something that is cancerous to the soul and spirit? God is still on the throne no matter what it might look like otherwise and since he will always be on the throne, goodness, beauty, and truth can always be found somewhere.
TO EVERY NEGATIVE THERE IS A POSITIVE. IT IS UP TO YOU TO CHOOSE WHICH SIDE OF THE COIN YOU ARE GOING TO LOOK AT OR THINK ABOUT.
