I Recommend Complaining

Yup you read that right. Complaining is good; healthy even! CONSTRUCTIVE complaining that is. ;) What is that you ask? Well keep reading and you will find out.Have you ever experienced a flood of emotions that made words roll off your tongue like a well oiled machine before you really knew what you were saying but it just felt so right to retaliate in such a way, Or have you ever felt so wronged that after you complain and complain inwardly (or to anyone who will listen) about the nasty thing so and so said or did you feel a justified sense of power and pride welling up in you? I shamefully admit that I have handled my emotions with such immaturity. There are times I consult with the fairest most balanced person in the situation, myself of course, ;) about the hurt someone did and would you believe it, I come to the conclusion that my response is justified because they were so mean they deserved it. Shocker that I come to such "reasonable" thinking after my self counseling session right? Or if I feel more vocal at the time, I complain to specific people because I secretly hope they will side with me and make me feel better. Sounds perfectly juvenile and disgusting doesn't it? I couldn't agree more!! But I am being completely honest about my faults because I want to give you a clear picture that I am still learning and growing. What I am about to expound on are two methods I have tried. One I found helpful and the other harmful. Constructively complaining has given me a safe, helpful way to bring healing to an inflicted wound instead of adding insult to injury through non constructive complaining that inflicts wounds back and just keeps the sick cycle going.Like debris left in a wound is infection just waiting to happen, bottled up complaints fester and turn into open seeping sores that come out in emotions like unthankfullness, pride, cutting criticism, depression, resentment and unproductive living. I know because there have been times I internalized my complaints and those kinds of things began oozing out. And do you know what people naturally do when they see a septic wound?They shrink away.They avoid that area.They can't help thinking "Eewwww! Don't touch me! I don't want what you have!" and rightfully so.Such complaining makes a person feel ugly and become like a plague that people avoid. So what does non constructive complaining look like? Here are the three steps that will have you well on your way to becoming the first place winner as the most annoying whining complainer.1) Quietly seethe or whisper to others in such a way that it prolongs and spreads the hurt while simultaneously making it VERY CLEAR what a poor, sad victim you are. You don't want a solution, you just want to whine.2) Continue provoking your spirit by brewing on the wrong done and nurturing the root of the ugly weed called bitterness. You would rather point out their faults than own anything you might have done. And if you truly had no fault in the matter, then you just want a reason to be a victim so that you can feel better about yourself.3) Stuff hurtful emotions down so deep and hope that they will magically be lost in some black hole of your heart, never to bother you again. Facing raw wounds is hard. Cleaning them out is painful. Healing takes time. Stashing away your pain filled complaints is easier and means you don't have to look too long at yourself in the mirror. You know the old joke that if you just close your eyes then whatever is in front of you no longer exists? That is essentially what happens.After reading those three things I am sure you are thinking, "Yuck! I don't want to be like that!" At least that was my thought when I truly understood the ugliness that happens when I respond that way.With that, lets learn about constructive complaining. What is it exactly? Think of constructive complaining as the flushing out of gunk from a wound. It isn't a pretty site and looks rather gross. In fact, it can make you feel worse in the beginning because the raw area is just so sensitive. BUT that flood of ick being washed away is going to promote cleanliness and make room for proper healing to begin. However, constructive complaining is way more healing and restorative.1) Express your hurt so that room can be made for healing words of truth and validation. Just vent it all out, the good, the bad, the ugly, to God or a safe person (more on that later). Be sure to INCLUDE YOURSELF in your venting because this is not about pointing fingers but about relating the frustration you feel from the entirety of the events that happened that got you to this point of hurt in the first place.2) Accept the reality of the things said and done. To accept the truth about something doesn't exonerate theirs or your wrong behavior. Seeing truth doesn't change what is wrong or right. It just clarifies it so you can clearly admit the things you didn't just "feel" were unfair or hurtful (whether it was your actions and words or theirs) but now you know to be so. The second part of accepting is to then let it all go. What happened, happened. There is no changing what was said and done. Don't hold onto your hurt and turn it into a battle scar trophy that you keep to justify holding on to someone else' garbage. You are just storing their junk in your heart for free by not accepting reality and letting go.3) Create a course of action that will help you walk forward wiser and stronger about your faults and strengths and how to deal with people better in the future. When you let go of the pent up complaints, it opens up your hands and arms to grasp good, lovely, healthy, joyful, thankful, and better things. It helps you get to the point where only every once in a while will your feathers get ruffled instead of every other day. Creating a course of action on how you are going to respond in the future teaches you how to spot a negative person and avoid them; understand an accidental hurt versus a purposeful provoking; and keep your heart in the right attitude so that other people's yucky responses seem like a tiny rain cloud in the vast blue sky.So which way seems better?Constructive complaining or bottled up complaints?Expressing or suppressing?I've personally done both and found constructive complaining to bring, joy, healing, and peace to my life and the other, sorrow, pain, and stress.The nonconstructive complaining way never works...N.E.V.E.R. It may work for a time but it will periodically keep coming back like warning rumbles of a volatile volcano on the verge of erupting. Eventually, something will trigger that built up spew of hot, ugly words and actions and the results are going to be devastating. I can't control how people respond to me but I can certainly do constructive complaining that helps me control MY responses and take charge of my attitudes and actions. Besides, constructively complaining my hurts away makes ample room for praising God for all the good things He is doing in my life. It takes the focus off my hurt and gives me a heart of compassion toward my offender.Last but not least, it is important to note that constructive complaining should be done between you and God FIRST. If you need to express it to a another human soul, then talk to a trusted friend or two who will hear you yet let it all roll off their back. You want it to be a safe person(s) who has your best and the other person's best at heart. You want someone who will bring healing, truthful, encouraging thinking. You want someone who will speak the truth in love about your actions and how to deal with the other person in a good manner. Constructive complaining IS NOT your free ticket to blindly vomit on your friend about another person just to start a character bashing party because you are miserable and want company.Since implementing constructive complaining for myself I have found myself less and less internalizing my pain, and justifying the prolonging of my perceived hurts and yucky attitudes. No longer do I give free space to other people's hurts by by letting their shrapnel stay in the wound. And you know what? I am much happier because of my choice to constructively complain. In closing, I hope this post helps you practice constructive complaining in the future so that you too can walk, unburdened and free.