Why I Don't Believe in Self Love
Walking this journey of healing from emotional and spiritual abuse, I have come across articles, YouTube videos and well meaning people that tell me I just need to learn how to fully love myself again and then true healing will be complete. i.e. I need to establish self love.
I always find that kind of funny because self love is a huge reason why abusers are who and what they are. They love self above all else. In truth they despise themselves but because self is all they have they protect it at all costs.
What about victims? Well if all they have is self love it can be easily undermined by the words of an abuser because there is no higher authority then them to dispel the accusations.
I have seen the strongest “self love” people fall victim to abusers and be destroyed. Even I was caught for a time in the trap of an abuser but I can say for certain self love was NOT what set me free or what kept me from completely being destroyed or what brought healing again. In fact, I didn't believe in self love then and don't now.
So what did set me free and what do I believe in?
God’s love!!
I have personally seen the love of God transform my life over the past 20 years since I became a believer.
His standard for love is perfect and set in the constance of His nature and faithfulness which means He gets the ultimate say so over who I am. What I think about myself or what anyone else thinks doesn’t define me even if I believe it does because what I think doesn’t change who God is or what He thinks. (Thank the Lord for that!!)
You see, when my abuser tried to steal away the truth, kill my soul and destroy the foundation of love God had been carefully laying down over the years, he eventually hit the core of who I was and was sure he would prevail one chiseling chip at a time. Only he didn’t realize that core had been reinforced over the years by Almighty God who had told me over and over again in His word the truth of who I was as a child of God through HIS blood, HIS sacrifice, HIS power, HIS grace, HIS mercy and HIS love.
Like a frog in slowly boiling water I didn’t realize I was dying until I was faced with a pivotal moment in my life. God so clearly showed me that I either believed the proof of HIS love (that I could clearly see looking back over my life) and live
Or I could believe the person who was smiling to my face while sabotaging my soul and die…emotionally, spiritually and eventually physically.
I chose life. I chose to throw myself into the loving arms of Jesus and let Him lead me.
For you who are reading this, understand this, had I not been fully persuaded of the testimony of God’s love for me, I don’t believe I would be here today. Had I been relying on what little self love I could have had, I would not be here today. God’s love took me out of the hands of an emotional and spiritual abuser and set me in a peaceful place where the perfect love of Christ is daily casting out all fear.
Today, more then ever, I embrace seeing myself through God’s eyes and loving the unique reflection of Himself manifested in me through the transforming power of His love.
**************************************************************************
“Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life” Jude 1:21
“That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with the fulness of God.” Ephesians 3:17-19
“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” Romans 8:38-39
“As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.” John 15:9
