Thursday Tippity Tip - 3 Ways You Might be an A.B.C. Addict
Are you and A.B.C. Addict - Addicted to Broken Cycles?
No one is immune to becoming one. In fact, victims and predators can be ABC Addicts. Victims because they get a sense of belonging and love (however twisted that may be) and predators because they get high off control and manipulation.
Motive may change the reasoning and therefore what side of the spectrum a person falls on but the result is always the same. Broken cycles on repeat that lead to unfulfilling, harmful relationships.
Here at Bold Living we believe one of the first steps in breaking the addiction to broken relationship cycles is to take a hard honest look at relating habits. Whether your tendency is to be a victim or a predator, we hope you take the time to understand that neither is right and both can be healed when you are willing to obey God and let Him do whatever it takes to bring you to a place of wholeness. Here are three ways you can see if you are an A.B.C. addict and some suggestions on how you can begin recovery.
PROBLEM #1
Your value is dependent on the other person’s opinion
For a victim this means a willingness to do whatever it takes to be valuable. It doesn’t matter how much it costs; the pain is always worth the prized high of feeling valuable to the other person. For the predator, there is an insecurity of not being enough, but it can’t be admitted as an insecurity, so manipulating the feelings of another person’s natural desire to be loved and valued creates an illusion of being valued yourself. The desperate response feeds the needed high to ward off the emptiness until the next high can be achieved.
SOLUTION
Know your value in Christ
Throughout the scriptures the value of human beings is seen from Genesis to Revelation. The entire Bible is a relationship book with the most prominent relationship being between God and mankind. The value God has placed on people is indescribable and humbling. Just read this verse
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.”
If that doesn’t speak to the value of humans in the eyes of God nothing will! However, there is a catch. The only way the value God has offered to all mankind can be irrevocably sealed as an unchangeable decree of truth in an individual’s life is for that person to believe in His Son, Jesus, and accept that seal of promise. Ephesians chapter 1 is a great place to start in understanding this concept. Knowing who God is and where one stands in His eyes is essential to understanding the value of self and others. There will be no black hole void in a victim or a predator looking for value in all the wrong ways.
PROBLEM #2
You are afraid
Fear is one the best bondage tools a predator can use. The worst fear is not a physical handcuff but a mental prison. It warps the reality of what is with questions of what if. It prospers in the hearts and relationships where love is little to non existent. Where no love is there is no safety and where there is no safety fear has an open invitation to fill the emptiness with whatever reaction will numb the desperate sense of feeling less than, rejected, unloved, unwanted, worthless etc. in the heart of predator or victim. Predators know how to inject fear and evoke the stress response of a victim that is so powerful it paralyzes them, leaving the predator feeling powerful and therefor not as vulnerable as they first feared they were. Of course this only lasts for so long before the feeling returns and the predator must again get a high by using fear. For a victim fear is a continual state of emotional upheaval; a chaos the mind normalizes. The constant dump of emotional hormones causes the mind and body to go into a frenzy to make things okay again but it never truly works. Fear bypasses rational reasoning and goes straight to the primal sense of self preservation that in truth is really self destruction. A victim caught in raw fear is no more in control than a person making a free fall sky dive, but none the less the exhilarating feeling distracts from the reality that they are falling deeper into bondage.
SOLUTION
Make truth the trump card over fear.
As Christians we believe the Bible is the absolute authority on truth and everything is compared by its standard. Check out Ephesians 6 on the armor of God and then armor up! Victims need to stop believing the lies of fear and predators need to stop using fear as an excuse to bully in a twisted attempt to squash their own fears. One healthy way to combat fear is to go on the offensive with questions and biblically backed up statements instead of the defensive with scrambled excuses. Satan is an expert salesman and if given the opportunity to refute, he will win every time. Instead, search the Scriptures and make a list of every phrase, verse, statement and question that can be aimed at fear anytime it tries to cross your boundaries. Here is one such verse that can help.
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.”
PROBLEM #3
You are addicted to the drama
Drama is popular because drama evokes deep emotions that then create highs which in turn creates a need to feel that way again and again. God made humans as emotional beings so it only makes sense that a victim or a predator, who both suffer from a lack of something, look to fill a void in themselves (knowingly or unknowingly) in drama. Victims seek drama because it makes what feels like an otherwise worthless or meaningless life have purpose. It makes a victim feel needed. A predator seeks drama because it elevates their sense of self and strokes a fragile ego.
SOLUTION
Refuse to engage
Drama is a dangerously addictive drug and it is best to refuse to engage in the use of it any further. Drama, like any other drug of choice only temporarily relieves the symptoms but never addresses the root. Victims, your value is not tied to how you feel or how others make you feel. Predators, a manipulated response is a false response and you will never get what you want by doing so. Again, we encourage you to search the Bible. It is the best place to look when searching for what God says about life purpose, wisdom, true healing and hope. The Bible teaches how to walk a life built on the rock of truth instead of a life tossed to and fro on the swelling waves of drama. If you ever want to observe drama in action just check out the Pharisees and how they brought drama wherever they went.
As you read through this blog, what struck a heartstring? Of course there are endless nuances and aspects that could be covered and discussed but the point is to get you thinking and where you need it, to get help. If you realized you are an A.B.C. addict, let that revelation be the first step of healing. Broken cycles can be stopped should you choose to desire wholeness. Your past, your family history and personal choices never hinder the powerful transformation that comes from believing in Jesus as your Savior and allowing His love and grace to heal. We hope you choose healing and we are here should you choose to reach out.
~Erin