THURSDAY TIPPITY TIP: 4 Ways for Opposites to Effectively Communicate
Opposite personalities seem impossible to mesh. Is it even possible for two completely different people to get along and effectively communicate? The short answer, yes! My mom and I are prime examples. Here are four ways we learned how to have a thriving relationship even with totally different personalities. I hope it helps you see that effectively communicating with someone who is opposite to you is easier than you might think. :)
Put on their shoes - Figuratively, not literally ;) put on their shoes and see things from their vantage point. It doesn’t mean you have to agree but it certainly will give you an understanding of where they are coming from. For example, I used to think my mom was so intense and was too quick to give advice to most anything I said when all I wanted was to be heard. When I finally “put on her shoes” I realized her intensity came from a place of love and deep desire to encourage me because she hated the thought of me struggling. She wasn’t trying to shut me down, she was trying to make me feel heard by giving her opinions and ideas! But from her perspective, when I would say something and then suddenly just shut down it left her feeling confused and hurt. When she “put on my shoes” she learned that when I shared something WITHOUT asking for any advice, I simply wanted a listening ear at that time, not a pep talk or brainstorm session. When we took the time to “put on each other’s shoes”, it really brought an element of grace to our conversations and relationship. We listened better and began to communicate as if we were wearing each other’s shoes.
Appreciate their polar magnet pull - Conflict can arise because you don’t like their seemingly opposite way of thinking and doing something as if their way was wrong simply because it isn’t YOUR way. But if you flip your perspective like you flip a magnet to stop pushing away it’s opposite half, something amazing will happen. You will realize that God created them to have different personalities with a polar pull meant to draw you together and make you stronger instead of something that pushes you apart. Using another example from my relationship with my mom, there was a time I didn’t like my mom’s blunt, opinionated A-type personality. Her quick black and white decisiveness felt overwhelming to me until I realized her assertiveness was a great balance to my more B type personality (is there even such a thing as a B type? ) and I could learn a lot from her. As assertive and overwhelming as I thought she was, she equally thought I was a softy who wilted at any sign of a strong opinion and needed to really own my opinions, views and beliefs. We both learned that though we were created differently in how we approach things, we BOTH needed a balance. She needed diplomacy attached to her assertiveness and I needed assertiveness attached to my diplomacy. I learned to appreciate her candid honesty and she learned to approach me with a little more gentleness.
Repeat after them - There are two different ways to interpret information, what we THINK is said and what was ACTUALLY said. If you are in the middle of a conflict, repeat back to them what you heard and keep in mind what you heard may not be what they said and least of all, what they meant. Give the other person the opportunity to correct or clarify their words. In my relationship with my mom, there used to be so many times where frustration was escalated all because what we thought the other one said and what was actually said got confused and miss represented in our haste to assume a defensive position because of the delivery of the information. We learned that each other’s attitudes or poor delivery of a message should never affect the heart of what is being said. Our relationship has had less conflict and hurt because this!
Default to goodwill - Opposite doesn’t have to spell enemy. Default to having goodwill toward the other person. Which means, believe the best in them. If they have consistently proven to you they really do value you, then when faced with conflict, assume they still do value you. Even if you are frustrated at them, wouldn’t you still want them to value you? My mom’s and I relationship was able to grow mainly because of this concept right here. Without goodwill the above three steps would be very hard to do if not impossible.
What are some ways you have learned to effectively communicate with someone who is totally opposite to you?
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