Thursday Tippity Tip: Five Things Emotional Abuse Victims Need

As someone who came out of an emotionally abusive relationship, I can say with certainty that these five things below were gifts given to me by several close friends and family and it changed the entire trajectory of my healing. So whether you are reading this as an emotional abuse victim or as someone who knows of emotional abuse victims, just know it is normal what you are feeling and seeing. Whatever perspective you are reading from, open your heart to receive help and be willing to extend the help.

1. They need to be heard – They are so desperate to be validated and known for the first time in a long time that they will initially come off clingy and almost frantic to hear an “I understand” or “wow that would have been so hard”.  Turn a tender ear and let them pour out all the things that have been pent up for so long. It will be like the letting out of a dam but if you see it from the perspective that they are rediscovering what it is to be human again, it will help make more sense of their flooding need to be heard.
2. They need held – Sometimes they are so overwhelmed with emotions they can do nothing but cry or yell and in those times simply holding them and cradling their grief as a precious ointment being spilled out of a shattered soul is the best thing you can do. There are times that words make them feel heard and other times when they have utterances too deep for words that it shuts them down in crushing emotions. Other times they need held up financially, spiritually or physically because they have been left so disorientated or physically unwell. Do as God leads and always be sure the holding up is coming from a place of helping them overcome, not a place of enabling them to stay in the pit of despair.
3. They need to be healed – Encouraging time off to emotionally heal is essential. Taking the time to heal could mean the difference between thriving and just surviving. Bible study, prayer, nutrition, exercise, self care and finding their identity in Christ again is all healing to the soul and mind. Just like a person coming out of surgery needs to rest and take time to heal, a person coming out of emotional abuse needs the same kind of protocol. A true sign of strength is knowing when to rest and when to run. Both are necessary to healing and growth.
4. They need to get help – There is great benefit in getting counseling, mentors and life coaching (to name a few). I recommend the marriagerecoverycenter.com and survivingnarcissism.tv . They are reputable and amazing organizations that offer counseling and references to counselors who can really help with the healing process. Emotional abuse is complex and it often times needs the expert guidance and understanding of people like those mentioned above. I personally went through the Marriage Recovery Center and it jump started my healing process. The videos put out by surviving narcissism really helped give me understanding as well as tools to implement in all relationships (and they still do!). It is not a sign of weakness to get help but rather a sign of wisdom.
5. They need hope – Perhaps one of the most healing things to the body, mind and spirit is rekindling hope. Abuse can make it feel like there is nothing good left in the world. But I am here to tell you, God has not left us as orphans. He has given eternal hope through his Son Jesus. His children stand in a place of victory even here on earth. There is not one scheme of man that God hasn’t seen or God doesn’t know or God won’t work for good on behalf of his beloved. Build that hope within yourself by reading God’s word, immersing yourself in his promises, finding something to be thankful for everyday, and intentionally surrounding yourself with healthy people and attitudes. If you know someone who needs hope, encourage them to take those steps no matter how small because seeds of hope will begin to grow wild if given the chance to live.

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