The Price of Authenticity
Authenticity is something I strive for. Anybody who knows me well knows I am an open book. All one has to do is ask me about something they are curious about in my life and I will tell them.
But authenticity comes with a price...a high price.
Over the past year I have come to discover authenticity is valuable to everyone but not everyone has pure motives concerning authenticity.
Some value it because it brings depth, honesty, integrity and clarity to the relationship they share with me. The authenticity encourages an atmosphere of the same. Ultimately they feel safe. Not only do they know me but they are known by me, flaws and all, and that cradles the relationship in comfort and peace. There is something beautiful that happens when authenticity is at the root of a relationship; a realness that cannot be faked is forged.
Others see it as a chance to find every blot and blemish they can so they can proudly point my humanity out whenever it is convenient for them, just like the Pharisees did to people in the Bible. They see my authenticity as a open invitation to blast me with their un-thought out opinions that are often based on assumptions of what they think they know about me or my choices but since they have never asked me personally they really have no idea what they are talking about. But more than that, they use my authenticity as easy-peasy gossip as if it were public domain material that can be cut and copied to suit their agenda.
There is something beautiful that happens when authenticity is at the root of a relationship; a realness that cannot be faked is forged.
Erin Patton
Now, I would be lying if I didn't admit that people who abuse my authenticity didn't and still don't occasionally bother me. I would be lying if I said it didn't and still does occasionally wound to have my authenticity used as a weapon against me especially with those I have been so raw and honest with.
It HURTS!!!!
There I said it.
And now that I have said it I am going to heal that hurt with the truth.
The truth is authenticity comes at a price and sometimes that price is really steep. But I would rather pay the price of authenticity, whatever it may be, than lose my character to disingenuous behavior.
You see, I finally had the "Ah Ha!" moment of realizing it wasn't my authenticity that was the problem. It is the way people chose to handle it that makes the difference. I can't control how people react to my authenticity but I can certainly choose how I respond to it.
And I choose to respond with more authenticity. That authentic response might look like choosing to unsubscribe from their reality by politely walking away or leaving something unsaid or a message unanswered. It might look like taking the time to help someone who is just highly confused and hurt but wants to understand, get the clarity they seek. No matter the circumstance, I strive to respond in an authentic Christ like manner.
Before I continue let me be REALLY clear, I am not perfect. Let me say that again I.AM.NOT.PERFECT and neither to I claim to be. I don't always succeed. I fail many times. But when I do, I make amends and keep on growing.
That get-up-dust-yourself-off-and-keep-on-going attitude did not happen over night. It was birthed through many months of tears and anguish. The light bulb moment came as I was dumpster diving through the deepest part of the ridicule and disdain cast upon me. I was feeling about as worthless as the garbage I was sifting through when I finally realized that authenticity is not built on perfection but imperfection that is humbly recognized, honestly owned, and consistently being worked on.
I finally had the "Ah Ha!" moment of realizing it wasn't my authenticity that was the problem. It was the way they chose to handle it that made the difference. I can't control how people react to my authenticity but I can certainly choose how I respond to it.
Erin Patton
If you struggle with being authentic because of how people have handled that precious gift in the past, I hope this encouraged you to get back up and authentically engage with those around you no matter how they react. It is not up to you to own their choices or force authenticity out of them. But it is your choice to live authentically despite them.
The price is high.
Are you willing to pay it?
I promise you won't regret paying the price of authenticity in the long run but I can't promise you won't regret not being authentic.
I finally realized that authenticity is not built on perfection but imperfection that is humbly recognized, honestly owned, and consistently being worked on.
Erin Patton
