Thursday Tippity Tip: Four great relationship rules to follow!
We have lived on earth for thousands of years and yet relationships are still like the 8th wonder of the world. Let's face it, we've made progress in figuring out relationship do's and don'ts but the hearts of mankind still remain an unpredictable mystery in many ways. This thursday tippity tip will dip our toes in the deep waters of relationships and hopefully help us all build healthier, happier relationships in our lives. I purposefully kept the tips short and simple. There are tons of books out there that delve into each rule I mention. 1) Say you're sorry but ONLY if you are at fault
Sometimes we feel compelled to apologize for things that aren't even our fault. I'm not talking about when we say "I'm sorry you broke your foot" because you are simply trying to empathize, not own their problem. I'm talking about when a spouse or child or anyone comes home after having a bad day, for example, and treats you badly and you feel like you have to take on their burdens and accept their negativity as if their bad day was YOUR fault. Empathize but DO NOT apologize for things they decide to take out on you because it is up to them to own their issues and choices, not you.
2) Only carry your part
Own 100% of your part because you are the only one responsible for taking care of your life and choices. You should not take on somebody else's life even if they willingly try to gift their responsibility to you. Picking up the slack of the other half of a relationship is, news flash, not a relationship. It is a job. A thankless, unhealthy, exhausting, non-paying job that will leave you bitter and hurt and enable the other person to be a relationship leech that sucks the life out of you. Take diligent responsibly for your half of the relationship but if the other person doesn't want to care for their own part, then let it be. One of two things will happen. The relationship will naturally fade and die or the person will grow past their selfishness and start owning their part. Now, there are situations where you will temporarily have to carry their part because they are incapacitated in some way, but that should not be a regular occurrence in the relationship. Again, I am not talking about life time disibilites, just times where someone needs a person to lean on until they get their footing again.
3) Forgive but don't forget
Most definitely forgive even if there is no saving the relationship because if nothing else, it is healing for you. But there is a way to forgive and not hold a grudge while not forgetting. The key lies in WHAT you choose to remember. If you camp on the hurt done you will become an unhappy negative nellie because you will be focusing on the wrong things. Instead, learn from history by taking away what lessons you learned from what happened so you don't repeat it by doing it to others or letting it be done to you again.
4) Have zero expectations
Yup. Expect nothing. Do unto other as you would have done unto you but don't expect them to always or even at all, do the same to you. Even if you have relationships with people who are just as giving, leave your expectations at the door. When there are no preconcieved expectations, it gives grace for human error because no one is perfect all the time. It also allows for growth on both sides of the relationship to happen in a safe way. A note of caution though. Don't let having zero expectations set you up for accepting unhealthy or abusive behaviour. If you find someone just taking advantage of your grace, step away and refer back to step two.
Hope these give you food for thought. ❤ What relationship rule has really helped you? Share your thoughts in the comment section.
